What is the Real Purpose of Suffering?

You want me to give you the magic bullet to get you out of the hell you are in?

Here it is:

The real purpose of suffering is to break your heart so fucking wide open that you finally let go of every single thing you ever believed and every last piece of your ego, to the point that you fall to your knees and beg God, the Universe or whatever you call Source, to help you. You literally open up your arms and say, “I am willing.”

Because it is at that point, and that point only, that you have any chance at enlightenment, self-transcendence, to understand the real reason you exist at all.

You see, you were meant to be way, way, way more brilliant and beautiful than you ever let yourself be. You were meant to know love, really, really know it. And believe it so profoundly in your heart that it can never be taken away from you.

I know this sounds incredibly harsh. But if you are suffering, you need an answer. And there it is.

There is, of course, an easier, more gentle path. You muster every ounce of yourself that you can and seek Higher Truth every single day. Rain or shine.

I suggest you take that path, but if you are like me, you may chose to go through hell before you get to heaven.

CONCLUSION: You CAN change your life. I’m here to help because it’s not easy. Join me in this class and together we will make it happen.

Agree or disagree. Let me know 👇. I’m listening.

I love you very much, Tami

How This Texas Girl Became a Master Meditator

A date recently asked me how long I meditate each day and I replied, "uhm...all day? Like, I rarely am not."  He wanted to know how many hours you have to put in to attain enlightenment. To which I responded, "just start where you are and build on it."

HOW DID I GET 16,000 HOURS OF MEDITATION UNDER MY BELT?

One minute at a time.

You probably don't have years to devote to thought technology practices such as meditation. In my case, when I began, I'd made such a mess of my life that I couldn't even work (or think), so it was easy to put in a lot of hours. 

Hopefully, you don't have hours of extra time to practice. You have a busy life; a loving partner, beautiful kids and cute pets, a successful career. 

Or maybe your life is a disaster or just parts of it are, and your time is spent making it all better.

Whatever situation you find yourself in, my advice to you is to start today, right where you are. And take it very, very slow.

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YEP, I STARTED OUT BY MEDITATING ONE MINUTE A DAY. 

When I first started my practice, I could barely sit through 30 seconds of stillness. I remember going to yoga because I heard it was good for me, and feeling like I was about to crawl out of my skin during the silent times.

When I started mindfulness meditation, I began to realize that destructive thoughts had taken over my brain. They were everywhere, and I could not think clearly.

So don't expect that your first minutes, or even hours, of practice will be perfect. I began with just noticing my thoughts, and did a little more each day. Each step along the way my focus became clearer, my stress reduced then virtually diminished, and eventually, I changed the entire structure of my brain.

I have now spent years and years in pursuit of Truth through meditation and many other practices that have the same brain-rewiring effect as meditation. 

Now I meditate all day. I would say about 40 times. I still my mind, if only for a moment, and re-connect to God/Truth through various practices…even just listening to music to raise my awareness. And when I have gaps of time available, I will retreat for days to go deeper or to prepare for something big.

But it all began with just one minute of practice.

Have questions on how to start? I answer my emails! Contact me here.

Does DBT Work For Everyone?

The short answer is this…

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is the most studied therapy for helping those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but it is not the right therapy for everyone.

I’ve worked with, and met, thousands of individuals with BPD and this is what I’ve seen and heard:

  • DBT can be awesome (it was for me, but I also supplemented it with other therapies, practices and coaching.)

  • DBT doesn’t work for a lot of people (I’ll go into “why” in this post later.)

  • For those that DBT helps, it falls short of solving all of the things that need to be solved (I’ll go into this as well.)

  • Some DBT therapists are not skilled at working with those with Borderline. Just because a therapist offers DBT does not mean they understand 1) how to work with someone with Borderline or 2) have proper training.

  • Individuals “outgrow” DBT—they want more.

Why DBT doesn’t work for a lot of people:

DBT doesn’t work if:

  • There are co-occurring disorders that DBT doesn’t address.

  • If you’ve been mis-diagnosed with BPD, even though you have BPD “symptoms”. The biggest thing I’ve seen with this is that therapists (not all) tend to throw everyone who is suicidal into the BPD category. Especially adolescents.

  • You need more support/validation/life direction than DBT offers.

  • You don’t have the energy to devote to learning all the skills—what you need is motivation and/or hospitalization.

  • Your therapist isn’t good or you just aren’t ready or a good fit for DBT.

How do you know what to do?

Keep at it. Just keep trying.

BPD is a medical condition that may require continued or different therapy and also life style changes. For example, I have many friends with Borderline who are doing really well and have great relationships. But to support their condition, they’ve made lifestyle modifications to reduce what is stressful to them, sought alternative careers, and have sought out more supportive partners.

And/or…

So many prefer not to be labeled with a mental disorder, and I agree, we are all unique (and usually super special) human beings who just don’t fit into a “normal” mold. Once we can embrace that, get support, and find our niche—then everything gets better.

Most of us are emotionally very sensitive. We have to learn to navigate and find our tribe and our talent in a world that does not understand us fully.

In conclusion:

There is value in DBT. I love it, I teach it. It changed my life in giving me so many valuable skills. And also, for me, DBT fell short of helping me find my true life’s calling and the partner who was perfectly suited just for me. I also needed to find a “tribe” of supportive people like me, and I work really hard to connect my clients in that way. If this resonates with you, I’d love to work with and support you. Your first step is to schedule a coaching session and learn more.

You are loved ❤️, Tami

Your thoughts? Did DBT work for you? Comment below 👇.

"Tami Green is an inspiration to us all, demonstrating that with courage, persistence, and the right treatment, persons with Borderline Personality Disorder can recover. Her mission, to spread the word that new research supports a picture of optimism and hope, is just the right one."

— John Oldham, MD Past President of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), Senior Vice President and Chief of Staff of the Menninger Clinic and Executive Vice Chair for Clinical Affairs and Development of the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Baylor College of Medicine, Houston, TX

Need a Lover, More Money, A Job? 😍💰

 

🎁You CAN have everything you want, I promise.

And also, it’s not going to look exactly like you envisioned, nor will it come in the time you might prefer.

In this video I will show you exactly how to find and attract every resource you need to get what you want out of life.

If you like this, you are going to love my Retrain Your Brain class.

Want the full transcript? Download it here.

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know below 👇

 

How to Train Your Brain

We can train our bodies, yes. But, let’s face it: training our minds…well, my friends, this is where the real power lies.

Every single action we take, and every outcome of our life, begins with our thoughts. Whether you want a beautiful body, a successful relationship or a stellar career, it all begins with what you think.

🏋️‍♀️ If you want more success in life, train your brain.

The brain is like a muscle--it gets bigger the more we use it. Working out our brain increases our focus, results in more effective action-taking and increases our sense of well-being.

There are many ways to grow our brains; to actually create new neural connections. My life’s work is to teach influencers and organizations how to do just that. And there is a lot of buzz right now about mindfulness and meditative practices.

But there are other ways to achieve a bigger brain. Here are some of my favorites:

  1. Practice reframing your thoughts. Aim to think a better feeling thought when you observe yourself getting pulled into negative thinking.

  2. Look for the good in anything that makes you feel bad. Negative emotion is there to tell you that you are off-track with your thinking. When you feel bad, one way to get back on track is to find the good in any given situation.

  3. Get quiet and notice what the hell is going on in your mind. This is, in a nutshell, mindfulness to thoughts. It may be torture at first to get honest with yourself about what you are really thinking all day. But it’s the most powerful thing you can do with your time. And the key to everything.

  4. Stop multi-tasking. The research is clear: the more you multi-task, the less effective you will be with your thinking and your actions. This leads to ADD, poor results and stress.

  5. Batch tasks so you can focus. At the beginning of each week, schedule similar tasks for each chunk of time. The time you spent on each segment will produce better results because of your increased focus. This will help you achieve much more and you will be able to process what you learn along the way.

  6. Meditate. This is the grand-daddy of them all, so I had to give a mention here to try it. But start small. One minute a day of emptying your thoughts and connecting to Higher wisdom. Then build from there. Do this and your brain will be enormously powerful. I know — I’m a master meditator.

  7. Validate opposing points of view. It takes a big brain to be able to see where someone else is coming from. It also activates a completely different area of your brain to be able to find the words to let someone know you understand. Brilliant stuff. And your relationships will be better for it.

  8. Be clear on your personal vision and align actions with it. If your thoughts dictate which action you will take, first get crystal clear on what your overall objectives are. Otherwise, you are going to get so caught up in others’ motives that you lose track of what you are wanting to accomplish.

  9. See other’s points of view while keeping your own perspective. Based on Mentalization Based Therapy (MBT), this is a brain strengthening technique you’ll never regret. Practicing this will help you to develop your own value system, improve your relationships, and increase critical thinking skills.

  10. Think of ways you can extend compassion to others. This is a mini-version of Compassion Meditation and has been shown to have some of the most profound and sustained effects of increasing brain capacity.

Try these out and let me know how it goes! I respond to emails and social media. You can find more about me here: https://www.borderlinepersonalitysupport.com/about-us

#hustlelove ya’ll!

Comment down below how you train your brain!!!👇👇👇👇👇

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I Opened Myself Up to Be Loved By A Kind Man 🤗

I hadn’t been with kind men before him.

I always chose a different path. A path of difficult relationships with difficult men who taught me how to be strong—how to stand up for myself and be clear about who I was and how to love myself.

BUT I WAS NEVER LOVED.

And then I chose another path. I opened myself up to be loved by a kind man. I dreamed of him coming to me one day and then he did.

But it’s disarming, literally. I have to lay down my arms. To just receive and trust, and that feels vulnerable when I’ve for so long had to fight.

My secret boyfriend is my angel. He tortures me by bringing out all my insecurities and just when I feel I’ve had enough, he shows me kindness and love.

He is the kindest person I’ve ever known that I haven’t given birth to. And he is a strong man who believes in my strength.

Sometimes I want to fight. Sometimes I resist. Sometimes he does, too. We’re not perfect. But I am learning. And this lesson is a beautiful one.

May you learn to be loved and receive kindness in all your relationships. More and more and more.

Love to you, my friend. 👇Your thoughts?

Try this to slow down your racing thoughts

Do you ever feel like your thoughts are taking over your world?

Chances are, you do.

I’m fortunate to work with some of the highest achievers you can imagine. Many are award-winning influencers, psychologists and business leaders whose livelihoods depend on their ability to stay focused and come up with innovative ideas each day.

BIG LIFE = LOTS TO THINK ABOUT.

So how do they manage it all? They get things off their plate and out of their mind. Here are some of their top tips:

#1. All day, every day, practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of focusing deeply on one thing at a time.

#2. Get rid of things that aren’t working. Take the time to think through what’s effective, productive, and is getting results. Stop doing everything else.

#3. Focus on what needs to be done today, and put everything else on your calendar for other days.

#4. Batch tasks. Multi-tasking makes you crazy and less effective. Chunk your time to do things that are like one another.

#5. Practice stillness. Nature walks, meditation, yoga. You have to give your brain a rest for it to be effective. Our brains need as much care as our bodies.

Show your brain some love today ❤️ What do you do when you start to feel overwhelmed or anxious 👇👇👇Questions?  Email me👇👇👇 .  I answer emails ❤️

How to Lose 54,678 Pounds Starting Tomorrow 👇👇👇

(Hint: Forget everything you ever learned about losing weight, it’s all about getting into inspiration.)

I EARN “THE BIG BUCKS” AS A COACH BECAUSE I AM REALLY GOOD AT HELPING MY CLIENTS:

💵 Get paid

❤️ Get laid

🔥 Lose weight

HERE’S HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT:

1. Feel as good about yourself as possible. Go get some drinks with a friend, buy yourself some new clothes, get a haircut. Whatever makes you feel amazing right now. Don’t wait another day. Today’s the day.

2. Read/listen to/hang out with everything and everyone who makes you feel inspired that you can be your best self. Do it. Do it hard. Lots of it.

3. Stay away from the mirror, friends, and family, clothes, furniture, anything that makes you feel bad about anything.

From there the answers will come to you on the best way for you to be whatever weight you want to be. It will just happen. I promise.

What do you think about this? Comment below 👇👇👇

And trust me on this. I’ve had a lot of kids, and I’m still a size 6.

How to Diagnose and Treat Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD is highly treatable.

I know, because I did it.

In a study of a Ten-Year Course of Borderline Personality Disorder--Eighty-five percent of patients with BPD remitted. (If you want more research details, drill down into my links on the Research page.)

Once I was diagnosed with the symptoms of BPD and found effective treatment, my life changed. Since then, I’ve spoken with so many who have gotten better, and changed their lives and relationships. As I mentioned in my article “BPD relationships”, there are many factors in proper diagnosis, such as co-occurring disorders. And because so few know how to properly diagnosis and treat Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s crucial to find the right treatment. You can start with a few ideas on this page or schedule a session with me so I can help you find a provider in your area.

How to diagnose and treat Borderline Personality Disorder.

There are several components involved in getting better:

  • Therapy

  • Skills training

  • Support from peers

  • Family education

  • Education about the disorder and recovery

  • Self-help skills

  • Medication

Therapy:

Several therapies have been proven to treat Borderline Personality Disorder. DBT is the most common because of the extensive training provided to therapists, making it most widely accessible.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is what I used and what I teach. What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy? DBT therapy teaches skills to control intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behavior, manage distress, and improve relationships. This proactive, problem-solving approach was designed specifically to treat BPD. Treatment includes individual therapy sessions, and skills training in a group setting.

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) is also used be me in my classes and coaching. What is Mentalization-Based Therapy? It is talk therapy that teaches you how to understand what is in your mind and also the other person’s mind.

Transference-focused therapy (TFP) is designed to help patients understand their emotions and interpersonal problems through the relationship between the patient and therapist. Patients then apply the insights they learn to other situations.

Skills training: DBT skills training, which I and many DBT therapists teach, are enormously helpful. I went my whole life going to therapy asking, “but what do I DO? Give me something to do.” This is where you get the tools to improve your thinking, have better relationships, learn to calm intense emotions and reduce urges. For more on my class go here or contact us at team@controthefuture.tech.

Support from peers: When people find out they have BPD, they usually are very relieved to finally understand themselves and get an explanation for their suffering. When you know others who have recovered who can validate what you are going through and share their own experiences, it makes recovery so much easier.

There are local organizations that supply peer-based support and education meetings including NAMI and DBSA. I connect others through my class and social media.

Family education: Family support requires family members to learn about the disorder and also to learn skills that help improve the relationship. As the person with BPD and their family progresses in recovery, the relationship dynamic will change considerably.

Education about the disorder and recovery: I was so relieved to understand that there was effective treatment for BPD. What is less understood is how recovery works. For example, intense conflict between family members reduce gradually as you both practice new skills. You can expect sessions of conflict to reduce in intensity, length and frequency over time.

Self-help skills: There are many things that help us navigate our unique challenges and improve our lives such as:

  • What to say to an employer when we aren’t feeling well

  • How to get on SSDI or SSI

  • Time management

  • Proper nutrition, exercise and sleep

  • Taking care of our health care needs

  • How to manage employees

  • And many more

Medication: I encourage all my clients to be clear on what symptoms they want help with before they visit the doctor who subscribes their medication. Some symptoms might include: cloudy or inaccurate thinking, low energy, anxiety, anger, poor sleep. Make a list of your own.

❓What has been most helpful in your recovery? Let us know in the comments below 👇