Faking Normal at Work
Not that we ever, really, want to be "normal". We are interesting, inventive creatures and I don't want to change that about any of us. It is also helpful to navigate differences in this world in order to accomplish things like, for example, keeping a job.
Whether you want to fake normal until you feel more normal or just more skillfully direct interactions towards your favor, here are my top ten suggestions for faking normal at work:
- At work, don't discuss anything you'd talk about in support group or therapy, including your feelings or tragic past. Keep conversations relevant to the situation at hand.
- If you are having a bad mental health day, lie about it. Yep, I just told you to lie. Tell your boss you have a migraine, you have allergies, or it's that time of the month, but don't mention any psychiatric condition. Sad but true: ailments associated with any part of the body other than the brain are just more socially acceptable.
- Just show up. Everyone has bad days, and during recovery, we have our share of them. Just do the best you can on those days, and know when you feel better, you will do better.
- Wear clothes, jewelry, make-up etc. so that you fit in. Leave your personal style at home (for the most part), and dress like everyone else.
- Play by the rules. Learn the policies and follow them. Defer to management. Vent with trusted advisors, but not fellow employees who may not be safe.
- Understand what to say to different people or groups of people. For example, when you are with the boys, joke harder, and when with the girls, not so much.
- Blame it on too much caffeine. If you are feeling anxiety, scattered, or a host of other relevant ailments, blame it on too much caffeine. People will understand that one.
- Do extra stuff for people you work for or people who can help you at work. Observe what others may find helpful, outside of your job description. Offer to baby-sit, give gifts of knowledge, etc., with no strings attached.
- Fake a sunny disposition. Everyone wants to work with upbeat people. Make optimistic, hopeful statements, even when you don't feel like it.
- Validate yourself if there is a problem and effectively communicate your needs. If you are feeling emotional about, say, an injustice, wait until you are calmer, talk it over with a friend, and script out what you are going to say before you say it.
Lastly, work is meant to be fun, so be playful at times and enjoy yourself.
Happy faking normal!
With love,
Tami
To sign up for a tele-seminar on this and other subjects taught by Tami, visit our bookstore.
For more on recovery in the workplace, check out Tami's article that appeared in the Houston Business Journal.
"Tami Green has a unique ability to put an articulate and hopeful face on what, for many years, was thought to be an untreatable clinical condition. She is to be applauded for her commitment and courageous efforts to reach out to the BPD community, clinicians, family members and consumers alike, with the banner of hope and good news that a happy, meaningful life with BPD is possible."
--Dr. Hoffman, President of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD)
